Why?

I’ve been struggling lately. Struggling with motivation, struggling with training, struggling with weight loss, struggling to stay on the right path, struggling with my confidence, struggling to be happy with my life, struggling to see the good, struggling to be proud of myself.

I recently read an article that asked “Why do you want to be a triathlete?”

Why do I want to be a triathlete?

Because I can, that’s right nobody has told me I can’t…except for myself.

I have read and been told and know in my heart that if I learn to swim, dedicate myself to training and have the desire to do it, I can do anything.

Didn’t everyone’s parents tell them growing up…“You can be or do anything you want to do, if you just put your mind to it.”

You see I’m a people pleaser, I try to make everyone else around me happy, I do the right things for others. Until recently I never really did anything for myself. I played basketball in high school, because my dad wanted me to; don’t get me wrong I LOVE the game but at that time the drive was not for me.

I graduated college for my parents, again I wanted to graduate but the drive was not for me.

The drive has always been about making others happy and I’ve done many things in my life to make others happy and it’s about darn time I do things for myself.

Most recently I’ve started losing weight, again, but this time for myself, not anyone else. I quit smoking (3/3/2007) because I wanted to, not for anyone else. I did the Iron Girl in Columbia, MD in Aug 2009 because I wanted to, not for anyone else.

I want to be a triathlete. I want to be an Ironman some day. I want to push myself beyond my “known limits.” I want to see what my mind can make my body do. I want this to be my way of telling myself “I’m proud of you.”

An Ironman is in my future, maybe not the near future but it is in my future. I turn 40 in 93 days and I’m sure several people are saying why are you deciding to do this now, why so late in life? I say “why not.” I say it’s time to do things for me! I grew up watching Kona Ironman and being inspired by their stories to prove to themselves they can do this. I want to be part of that inspiration.